It's something of an inside joke here at Services for Children, Teens and Families that my TOP 5 list of GREATEST FEARS is pretty ridiculous. I mean... I don't think it's any more ridiculous than the next person's (fear in itself is quite irrational, is it not?) but everyone else seems to think I'm off my rocker.
ALEX'S TOP 5 GREATEST FEARS OF ALL TIME:
1) Fast Zombies
3) Slow Zombies
4) Lactose Intolerance (for me... I'm afraid of becoming LI, I'm not afraid of people that already are...)
5) Carrot Top (this guy)
I'm going to skip the things people say about me when I tell them about my lagomorphobia (that's the bunny bit, and no, it has NOTHING to do with Monty Python and the Holy Grail), because that's a whole other story, and today we are going to discuss my fear of Zombies.
People seem to think that Zombies are a silly thing for me to be afraid of. Because hey, why be afraid of something that's not real, right? WRONG. I think it is actually HUGELY intelligent for me to be afraid of both real and not-yet-real things (notice that phrasing, it will be important later). Because then I'm truly prepared for every eventuality. Like what if you thought your biggest fear in the whole world was black-widow spiders, but then massive, eight-legged, blood-sucking, bone-bashing, super-intelligent aliens came to Earth, and you were like "Freak on a Peak, I just pooped myself becauseI just saw something I didn't even KNOW I was afraid of!" and your body shut down and you just died from fear on the spot. WHO'S LAUGHING NOW?!?! I am. Because I have covered all of my bases and evaluated the things that are to be feared RIGHT NOW (like bloatiness from drinking too much milk) and DOWN THE ROAD (like undead ex-friends and family who are trying to suck my brain out through my nostrils). And fear will not surprise me.
If you want to be prepared for a possible Zombie Apocalypse, here are some things you need to check out:
This Scientific Article about Toxoplasmosa Gondii and a podcast about it too.
The story of Clairvius Narcisse, who's [Voodoo] Doctor turned him into a Zombie
The Symptoms of Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease (sounds like zombies to me!)
or the cracked.com article (which is much less PG-13, but way funnier than these others), Top 5 Ways a Zombie Apocalypse COULD Happen.
Then you'll want to look into the Calgary Zombie Survival Guide.
Still not convinced? Well... maybe some of these books will get you there:
And just in case that's not enough... there's always Zombie Carrot Top with Milky Eyes...